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| It's the 10th November 2002,
7.30pm and amassed Mel and Sue fans are eagerly awaiting the
penultimate gig in their London residency |
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More in part 2
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Okay, so you’ll have to forgive the element of
vagueness in this review and the lack of pictures. I admit I’m writing this on the eve
of going to see Mel and Sue at the Arts Theatre in London on
30th March 2003, four and a bit months after I first saw the
gig. Bear with me though.
I remember it was a cold (maybe…it was November…it was
bound to be cold wasn’t it?) evening and I’d convinced a mate
of mine to come along for the comedic extravaganza that was
Mel and Sue’s first live outing (oops?!) since their 1999
“Back To Our Roots” tour. We’d managed to get seats in row BB,
right at the front, thanks to that website that gives you
deals at the last minute. Just the right place to be. However,
as it later turns out, being at the front meant that I missed
out on celebrity spotting – not that I’m any good at it
anyway, but apparently Rhona Cameron had appeared during the
interval and then “arranged seats” (as you do when you’re a
celeb at a sold out gig).
So, anyway, enough tittle tattle, down to the meat and
bones of the performance. The whole show revolved around the
scenario of Mel and Sue being in bed and started with Mel
having some kind of anxiety dream about being on stage in the
West End. Uncanny. Upon the startling realisation that they
were actually on stage in the West End, Mel assumed the pole
dancing position!
The outfits were an absolute sight to behold. Mel wore a
lovely “salmon” number, which was actually quite see-through
in places, giving a hint of bra and “triangle” to the world.
Sue had on an incredibly hideous charity shop, “spark
inducing” nylon dress (!) in pink, green and blue, as I
recall. She wore this over her black trousers and DKNY t-shirt
though (and who could blame her). The dress actually had an
amazing effect on Sue, as she said she felt it necessary to
skip everywhere when wearing it and to also wink
“coquettishly” at the audience. Yes, it was that kind of a
dress.
From this scenario, a range of characters and sketches
entertained us for the 45 minutes of the first part. You’ll
have to forgive my recollection of the order of play, but I’ll
attempt to tell you a bit about some of them.
There was the sexual therapist sketch (reminiscent of the
1999 sketch, if I’m honest) where Mel was the patient and Sue
was the therapist, complete with a German accent. Mel’s miming
of coming through the door was particularly bad and Sue took
the mick out of it. There was much larking about and at one
point Sue grabbed Mel’s “space hoppers”.
As a result of some regression therapy, this merged into a
1960s flat share sketch (I think this was similar to 1999 too)
where Sue answers the door to Mel, who has come round in
answer to her ad for a new flatmate. “Have to come here
regarding the ‘seeks curious bi-female for leather…’
advertisement?” I think they then went around the flat looking
at different items and commenting that “everybody’s talking
about it”.
The Foxgraves put in an appearance and talked about Judi
Dench and Maggie Smith whilst at an awards ceremony. They also
spotted Carol Vorderman – “Did you know Carol Vorderman is an
anagram of Northern slapper?” There were lots of laughs from
them forgetting their lines and then slight confusion about
where they were both looking, finally fixing on one of the
emergency exit signs. Perhaps that was a case of too many
Benylin Spritzers, fetched in the style of Harold Pinter? Or
too much Tixylix and Cranberry? To get a full flavour of the
Foxgraves, get hold of one or two episodes of “The Mel and Sue
Thing”, which was on Radio 4 a little while back.
They took the rise out of European, youth TV presenters,
who say “yay” a lot and are dating footballers. A deserving
target, if ever there was one.
There was the two old ladies who thought the war was still
on, one of whom has had an airman in the loft for 35 years!
It’s amazing what a headscarf can do, not only transform Mel
into an old lady, but turn her into a Cockney too. This was
very similar to the “on the game” sketch from 1999, but they
cut it short when Sue asked Mel if they’d thought to write a
witty ending to the sketch. “No”. Lights went out.
Finally, there was the public service announcement, which
gave the advice, “BIBO – breathe in, breathe out”. This cures
shortness of breath apparently.
Along came the interval, with the customary crush for the
bar and the spilling of beer on the way back to your seat,
with that plastic pint ‘glass’. All good fun.
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More in part 2
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